Bitter Pill

I hate this feeling of bitterness every time I sense that you are happy, in one way or another.

I have totally gotten over the fact that we will never be together again. I’m fine as hell with that. What bothers me the most is the fact that you seem to be so happy already. I mean, yes, it’s been almost three months since we broke up but it somehow irritates/hurts me to know that you’re totally fine now. Sounds selfish and egotistic? Well, I don’t know.

Maybe it’s just me feeling bad for myself because I haven’t found a new one, not that I’m searching. But lately, people around me, both in the physical world and the cyber world, are entering in romantic relationships, or at the very least are in love with someone. But I cannot say the same for me.

I do have a crush, crushes even. But there are no emotions involved whatsoever. I miss that tingling feeling every time I see that special someone, or read, hear, or see anything about him. I want to feel having “butterflies in my stomach.”

My last partner seems to have moved on completely being all in love and happy because of one person. I mean, I must be happy for him and maybe deep down inside this melodramatic body, I really am happy for him. But I can’t help but feel jealous because he’s feeling it again. And I am not.

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