Five months late. Well at least it came for both of us.
While thinking of a witty title for this post, I realized how our story has already gone full circle. Our love began one Tuesday night. Remember how you even made a song about it? And now, our story has finally ended last Tuesday night.
We were hung-up. Maybe because we still remember how it felt when it was still great. Being in each other’s arms, safe and assured. We could still imagine every monthsary we spent together in the mall, doing nothing but stroll. We could still remember how happy and supportive our friends were of our relationship. We could still remember how our mothers approved of our relationship. And despite the bad times, we could still remember how good we were for each other.
For five months, I have been thinking, what if? What if I did not break up with you? What if I just ignored whatever doubts I had? Maybe I wouldn’t have to cry for nights regretting what I did. Maybe I wouldn’t have to be so jealous when you found yourself a new love.
But you know what? After what happened last Tuesday night, it all became clear. That what I did was right. That breaking up with you was what I really wanted to do after all. My mind was just so occupied with what ifs that I slowly forgot why I did that in the first place.
I wasn’t happy anymore. And that was not entirely your fault. My standards were largely to blame.
Last Tuesday, I really wanted you to see me because it was one of those rare times that you get to see me really dressed up, either forcibly or otherwise. And in those clothes, I felt, well, relatively handsome. I don’t exactly know why I wanted you to see me then. Maybe I wanted you to fall head over heels for me again. Or maybe, I wanted you to see what you’ve been missing these five months that we were not together. Or maybe, I wanted you to see how better I was than that new guy you love (or loved, as you say) after me.
The night was fun, at first. We were in Tri Noma, both indecisive on where to have dinner, just like before. But when things started to happen, that was when I felt bothered and confused.
That night, I thought maybe we could have a third shot at this. But it did not feel right. It did not feel the same as before. We were not the same as before. I knew you felt it too, like we were just forcing things to happen, because that was how it used to be. That was how we used to be.
It came five months late. But at least it did. The closure that we’ve both wanted for so long.