In a not so impulsive decision, I went and spent my weekend in Baguio City. As to why, I was not really sure as well. I wanted to reflect, but I also wanted to relive the fond memories I had there.
In my almost three days in the crowded city, I found comfort in those hours when I was just alone in the “secret garden” at Camp John Hay, and the countless hours I spent walking along Session Road and around Burnham Park.
I miss a lot of things. I miss the feeling of actually being with someone. I miss the shared memories and plans.
I was never good at handling being alone. In my quiet moments (which I know is very rare to come by), I tend to overthink and wallow on my sadness and frustrations.
I hoped that visiting Baguio would help me at least realize that I could still do things that make me happy despite being alone and there was a time that I felt it.
But being there made me realize that I do not need to force things to happen. That if I just take a chill pill and live life one day at a time, that I will actually be okay. Eventually. Someday.
There are people who can really be happy being alone. And I salute them for that, envy them even. But I acknowledge that while I can say that I am happy now, and I am saying this in the most positive way, I can be happier when I have someone to actually share moments of my life with. I do not find that pathetic or desperate. It is just who I am and I hope I soon find that guy who I can share my crazy life with. Hopefully. Someday.