I remember when I first saw you in class and said to myself, “Okay, he’s cute. This class won’t be a drag after all.” And then you were also in my other class. This would be a great term.
I don’t actually remember how and when we started talking. I think it was during our Monday class break and we both went out to get water. Or maybe it was after our Monday class on our way out of the building.
And then there were those nights of chatting and days meeting to finish our assignments. And that awkward moment of waiting for you at Casa Roces so we can go to our class together.
I would like to think that I am more than just a classmate, or a tutor, or whatever. I would like to think that at the very least, you consider me a friend. I would be lying if I say that that was all I wanted. Because I wanted more. I still do. But I can’t do this anymore.
I understand how you want to focus on settling down on your new job and how you want to finish grad school and how you don’t have time left for a commitment. I get that.
I remember telling you that it was fine if you were seeing someone else, I’d be happy to step out of the picture. But I also remember you telling me that you’d be honest with me if things didn’t go our way. I held on to that statement. Sadly, it seems like you won’t be doing that — even if things now, obviously, are not going our way.
I’m sad, I admit. And while I find it disappointing, you have every right to dump me in any way you see fit. Because I know that all the good things and “progress” I thought were happening, they were all just in my head. I just kept on rationalizing every curious actions on your part and I kept overselling your kindness or your remarks as something more that they clearly were not.
I kept telling my friends that I’m giving it another month. And another month. And another month. Until this month.
I told my best friend that if you did nothing good or sweet on my birthday, then that was it. I’d take that as a clear sign that I’m on a one way street. That you were not into me. And then my birthday came. And you greeted me through a text message. And when I said thanks, that was it. No response until 10 hours later.
That was it.
I wanted to ask you out again. In fact, I asked you last month and checked if you have any day free this month for us to see each other again. And you said you couldn’t go out the whole month and that you had your reasons. I respected that.
But then yesterday, I found out that you went out with someone you met online just a few days ago. And that you are going out with him again tomorrow.
I guess, I expected and hoped for you to be honest with me. Because I have been nothing but honest with you.
I guess I was wrong.